Session
Belief system
I have to analyse my situation
I must be perfect
My opinions are the same as my fathers
I must put up with what comes my way
Body identified three of the four needed doing. The one not needed was My opinions are the same as my fathers
At first this idea of needing to be perfect was not recognised as a problem, afterall who doesn’t want to do things well. It was around doing in the work context and in having harmonious relationships. It came out quite quickly that a persons measure of value is through how well they do what they do (achievements). This was challenged. How else can one be valued? Are you not enough in and of yourself and if not why not. There was a memory relating to how the mother would give conflicting messages of do what makes u happy but you must succeed and make money in the process. Perfectionism here came out as a compensation not to disappoint the mother. We also explored this idea that you can always do better. Yes the grass is always greener but this endless striving for anything but what is, is not healthy. It was so habituated that planning was built into everything
In relationships when they issues arose she felt she should have known better. This was questioned in that how could you know what triggers someone when some responses are out of proportion to the stimulus. There was this idea I have to be really careful which was related to a fear of abandonment. Her father had left unexpectedly as a kid and she felt that she had somehow played a part in it. Anyway when things were off track she would intensively analyse the situation to identify how she could help, this didn’t work simply because you would have to be telepathic. Much more useful was getting more feedback from the aggrieved party, push back if boundaries were required, essentially gather more info. Normally she was just taking what came her way to avoid the worthlessness which was triggered when people left. I need to be accepted by others. We went back at this point and explored this idea that when she went away she felt that rather than just pleasure she had to be making headway with work. The big reframe came when it was asked ‘what would it be like if on occasion you let life flow towards you rather than always reaching out. So obvious but the mind sometimes has to acknowledge this. She had a very pleasant image of this come to mind and there was a cognitive shift
This person has short sightedness. We developed a map of the constellation.
This belief system
I am delicate
I am insecure (I have to control my higher self)
I have to give into others
Here he talked of this beautiful aspect of himself which was sensitive, caring and loving. The problem arose as he felt people had to see him as he likes to think of himself. If someone spoke about him in a way he didn’t resonate with it would annoy him and feel like he had been dirtied.
He would then feel separate, isolated & restricted and wasn’t able to be himself. Next he felt he had to show them what he was. Essentially this lead to a compulsive evaluation of how he was being perceived which stemmed from a feeling of insecurity. The paradox is that the higher self and those attributes actually would be allowing of misconceptions and wouldn’t need to control the situation. We also explored how he is more than this identity. He recognised that this projection was also used to control a relationship – I have to win everyone’s heart and make sure they are happy, the way to do this was to be accommodating. If he could win their trust then he felt more comfortable to express himself. The self devaluation was driving this.
Session
Belief system
I think I am what i am not (I am a hedonist)
I must prolong the pleasure
I have to get it perfect
I have been feeling s strong emotion of wrecked for a long time
The only way I get what i want is to be annoying
The body selected three
I am a hedonist
I must prolong the pleasure
I have to get it perfect
This person would actually see himself as a hedonist because of his desire to seek pleasure. Of course people are more than their behaviours but this part is strong leading to excess substance consumption. The behaviours was to get away from mundane, boring, empty, missing, drab, limited, mentally boxed in, fixedness. The directives were I must loosen up / I must escape myself. It was like constantly needing to scratch an itch. There was helplessness in the sense that the belief which was really ingrained was that the altered state is more enjoyable than the ordinary state. The awareness which came through was that although they thought they were escaping fixedness, the identification with the behaviour was an even more fixed way of being than the so called ordinary state
Coupled with this was the need to prolong the state which lead to the feeling of being wrecked on the come down. Again this need to maintain the pleasure and ‘have more’ was avoidance of emptiness etc. The come downs would lead to feeling of frailty, and a fear that one he was damaging himself – that he was wrong. On some occasions a line had been crossed and deep overwhelm was experienced.
I have to have it perfect was an OCD pattern. The behaviour was adjusting objects so they were aligned just right and not touching anything, also sometime things being spotless. The directive is ‘it needs to be just right’ & ‘i have to do it again and again’ which was the repetition which is an ttempt to escape a deep feeling of insecurity / vulnerability. With OCD patterns one is unable to connect into the sense of what they have just done, an inability to let go and doubt. Also because one is beholden to the behaviour there is a sense of ‘I am as i am and that’s how it is’ (helpless).
Session
Belief system
I don’t know how to recognise where I distract from my feelings (I can’t accept my fear)
It’s better to concede than fight
I must suffer – have to have as much as I can (glutton)
I have to do what I do fast
The first belief I can’t accept my fear was linked to occasions when he had taken too much substance and had a terrifying experience. Basically a massive sensory overwhelm had locked in a decision that fear must be avoided at all cost as it was equated with a threat to survival. So when mild fear was experienced there would be a need to distract, fidget, move etc.
The belief it’s better to concede than fight is a frontal fear linked to the idea that a fight would be bad as the person is not cut out for it. When an injustice was perceived there was an inability to let go especially when no obvious reason was available. The resentment would stew and on occasion something said over riding the avoidance of confrontation. There was tendency to have the last say.
I am glutton – a tendency to have as much as possible of what was seen as a good thing. The feeling of fullness would lead to discomfort or hang overs. The belief is ‘I am not enough for myself’ and not only did they have to have as much as possible ‘if I am not fast enough I will not make it / I must get it over and done with (when not exciting). This impatience was also a compensation for the thinking that ‘I am slow’.
So these directives are tapped on to take the charge off and to explore with the aim of developing insight how it operates and which feeling one is in avoidance of
Meta-Health Mind Body 