Eczema

This is someone who has been engaged for quite some time, as of now they feel less stuck & their eczema has completely resolved. The difficulty has been finding a lover to settle down with and have children. The problem has been the way they relate to this. Strong feelings of frustration at not being able to connect into the ideal life they want. The ezema was on the neck and head. As the belief systems were dissolved the skin started to shed. Slowly but surely normal skin returned. This shows how the psyche governs physiology.

At this point we have modelled the constellation around short sightedness.

Belief system

People don’t get me (I am not valued)
I can’t accept being seen as needy
I have to do a lot for my mother
I have to numb out my longing
I don’t really matter.

The body selects these as operating together. Initially you won’t understand how they are linked. We ask where to start. The body selects ‘I have to numb out my longing.’ ‘I can’t be seen as needy.’

‘I have to numb out my longing.’

She remembered when she was in early twenties breaking up with someone and feeling completely desolate. The longing was very intense and she remembers trying to block out the discomfort. Rather than tapping on memory she acknowledged all the feelings. Here she references that time and describes the feelings. What you notice is meta medicine organ brain relay language – heart wrenching / unbearable etc

More generally speaking in the present day the thinking is ‘This is not going to affect me.’ By blocking  anguish which was linked to unrequited love .

A key complex equivalence was I am not valued then ‘I don’t matter.’ This need for attention is driven by an avoidance of something – often self worth but here the main avoidance was to do with feelings of emptiness i.e. no connection equals emptiness (I don’t matter). Another key aspect was resistance to uncertainty. ‘I can’t accept not knowing.’ Naturally we can’t know anything about the future & this is unrealistic. Also there are many benefits to life being unpredictable. It’s more exciting for starters.

‘I can’t accept being seen as needy’

We then opened up – I can’t accept being seen as needy.’ She admitted that she was very intolerant when she perceived someone else was being needy. Often it felt suffocating, her space was precious. This seems to have a territorial component. We remodelled it to ‘ I can’t accept someone being to close.’ Here she referenced an experience (kissing) where she felt really intense revulsion, disgust, unpalatable etc.

The very behaviour she didn’t like in others and didn’t want others to see in her (fear of judgment – it is weak to be needy) she was demonstrating with her need to have this ‘ideal life.’ Here we brought attention to the fact that these programs were driving other peoples’ behaviour and that it was unconscious and that she had her own stubborn behaviours.. This is ‘model of the world’ reframing in conjunction with ‘EB applied to self.’ The hope is that realising that the person being needy lacks awareness, is driven by the potency of the belief and that she is doing exactly what she doesn’t like (hence the resonance when encountering that behaviour) this will soften her stance.

Even though we didn’t unpack ‘I don’t matter’ it was a structural component within ‘I have to numb out my longing.’ The body said this will have resolved also..

Session

I must be different to be valued
Nobody values me
I must be listened to
I don’t really matter

The focus used to always be relationships but recently she has met someone and seems very happy. This belief system is in relationship to work. She is working in a job which she is not happy with. There seems to be little development, nothing she does makes much difference and the work is the same. Stuckness & pointlessness are the dominant feelings. One key belief was the idea that ‘I have to be making a difference in the world.’

There are degrees of difference and only when something is different enough do we notice.  She is concerned that she will end up in another dead end job. We bought to her attention that fulfilment in the job doesn’t have to be only reason for working. Moving to a new job will allow the meeting of new people (possibly to become friends). Here we identify a high level value i.e. relationships / community and bring it to bear on another value – productivity. Suddenly there is the recognition that the novelty of a new environment could be quite appealing. She won’t have to stay and she might learn new skills, meet new people etc.

Also this idea that everything needs to be changing  was setting up an expectation which wasn’t realistic.  We acknowledged that skill development often requires repetition so sameness is often fundamental to certain development i.e. practice makes perfect. There are different levels. The mundanity could be seen as a challenge on a spiritual level as tolerance for boredom could be an opportunity for developing patience.

Also she was constantly looking inside and outside to find an answer. ‘Scouring the inner and outer world.’ Seeing is passive, looking active. The suggestion was that life flows towards one naturally and rather than looking responding could be a different strategy. This resonated very much. Interestingly she has short sightedness so this use of language (scouring) and constantly looking was interesting..In regards to not being listened to there was exploration of her bosses model of world and she felt he was not the most emotionally aware and it wasn’t just her, and therefore unlikely to be because she was inadequate..

 

 

 

SESSION 5

The main issue is self critiscise linked to perfectionism / also a feeling that people will do bad things. Her confidence is holding her back.

I can’t accept making mistakes
I am obsessed with achievement
I can’t stand on my own / I need approval from others
People are bad
I have to prove my knowledge
I don’t love myself

Emergent – I can’t trust my inner voice

I Need Approval from Others

 

The body picked I need approval as the place to start. In the work context there was a need to get another opinion. An insecurity was driving this. On one level there was an appreciation that errors could possibly incur extra costs as she worked in architecture. The insecurity was out of proportion as she was good at what she did. It linked into an inability to accept mistakes as this would lead to self judgement. The realisation that mistakes are just feedback deepening ones understanding seemed to loosen this. Also there was strong need to become irreplaceable by being unique – beliefs around sameness and mediocrity. We bought attention to the fact that the bland is an integral part of the special. One cannot build a beautiful building without the bricks… After this session they noticed that she wasn’t triggered when she heard someone talking about her, normally this event would lead to anger and compulsive looping..

Session 2 (6)

I don’t love myself

We then worked on ‘I don’t love myself & I can’t trust my intuition. A major trigger was when her ideas were not taken on. It was seen as being dismissed and the complex equivalent was –rejection of idea equals ‘I don’t matter.’ This is common as people think I am my thinking and therefore personalise the rejection. Being reminded that the idea is not oneself helps. There was also self judgment when she didn’t know something – If I don’t know something – I am unprofessional which will lead to less work etc. We discussed that often there are a multiplicity of perspectives and that it is natural to have gaps in knowledge. Also what is true one day is a fallacy the next. There was a strong checking to see whether she was being received,  her self- worth was connected to being rated externally. This is conditional self esteem. We explored scope in relation to how other people viewed her work – what were they measuring / what not? Often the scope will be limited and therefore how can it possibly be reflective of her as a person. She was monitoring facial expression to get clues to how the work colleague was rating her. Facial expressions are not always accurate. This monitoring is driven by wanting to avoid feeling‘not good enough.’

I don’t trust my inner voice

We then looked at not trusting her intuition. At this time there was a decision making conflict around a partner. Sometimes this can be related to the adrenal glands. Anyway we often think there is only either / or to solve problem, whereas either / or / and. Often we don’t notice middle ground as the mind registers difference. So exploring what options might exist in this middle ground can be helpful – rather than staying or leaving one could take time away to get clarity. (may not help) but an example of the ‘and.’ Anyway the intuitive sense is a pre-sense which is a feeling. This pre-sense about something is subtle and is not accompanied by any explanation as to ‘why.’  In this case she admitted she was infatuated with the intellect. This means there is an identification with the reasoning / logical / analytical mind. As you can see with the elicited beliefs there was a need to ‘prove my knowledge.’ We actually asked body when in the middle of process.  ‘I have to persuade myself that my choice is the right one.’ There was a belief that ‘this matrix should serve me.’She admitted that because in the past she felt when she had listened to this little voice things ended up badly so she chose to push it to one side. We considered that if a person has anxiety or strong programs this sense can seem like the intuitive sense but be coloured with the fear of vulnerability or whatever is driving the program, also if one has a false identity ‘the feeling that they should portray themselves in a certain way’ i.e. composed / relaxed then they will be operating with a set of criteria based on this which may not be the ideal for them and therefore making choice through this value lens.

Also a relationship can falter due to deep insecurities and projections which then make the person seem that there intuition was mistaken. That said we also explored that it is possible for intuition to be wrong & that is ok. Unfortunately only with time can one determine this and if a person likes control surrendering to the fact that you can’t possibly know means they ignore the pre-sense and try to rationalise everything, invariably why the thing their pre-sense is warning them about is ok. This fails to help because the nagging feeling keeps returning usually when a signal in the environment sets off the alarm bell.

In this case there was a fear they would end up in a similar relationship and the mistake would be repeated or that ‘love won’t find me.’ This is linked to a difficulty of being alone. No two situations are alike and the past is only an approximation of a future event, never identical. Sometimes there are patterns which repeat. Are they mistakes – no, they are behaviours lacking conscious awareness which represent an opportunity for spiritual growth. Anyway we asked whether she would give permission to at least allow it to have a voice and to contribute to any decision making as a synthesis of mind and heart thinking was in her best interest..

Meta – medicine – fear of relinquishing control (needing to know and have an explanation) linked to future fear (worrying on worst case scenario) – a strong away from making mistakes. An overvaluing of the intellectual faculty whose function is to block out the self doubt..

 

Session (new person)

This woman has a relationship she is happy with, but is doing work which is not satisfying. She searches everywhere to find something she loves but feels stuck and indecisive.

Belief system

I don’t know how to change my reality
I must be valued in my communication
I can’t accept attention
I don’t know how to know to know
I don’t know trust myself to know what to do (it’s not safe to make decisions)

As we started to work on this it became clear that herself worth was very connected to intellect. There is a need to be taken seriously and to be of interest to people. She felt that unless she was able to ‘add to growth’ then what is the point to communication. Sharing and connecting were of vital importance. Also there was a monitoring of the meaning and how the voice sounded.

Her mind was very analytical particularly post communication, in meta medicine this is what the  ‘post sensory’ relays mean as well as a deep disconnect. The belief was that ‘I should be able to get certainty with my mind.’ The question ‘what are you assuming’ flushes out ideas around certainty. Often people think there is one right answer. Someone in marketing will think that is the most important, whereas someone in production will think innovation is. The point being is that with complex systems there are just differing perspectives and all have merit.

The analytical mind creates noise which can make it harder to tune into the intuition, and with intuition there is no explanation, so one has to be comfortable of giving up control of needing to know / be certain. How can you be without experiencing and exploring something when it is new to you. Invariably the concern is about wasting time.

Sometimes she felt she didn’t communicate effectively in that she would go off on tangents and say to much. Also there was this belief that if she didn’t articulate herself properly / or even worse she misinforms them and later discovers that she wasn’t exactly right – she believed she was ‘robbing them of info.’ This assumes many things – how are you ‘robbing them if they don’t understand.’ ‘Does it really matter if someone doesn’t get you.’ This falls apart under scrutiny.

The stuckness in her life was in her work, leading to ‘female identity conflict.’ What am I meant to do, ‘who am I being.’ She felt she was not being appreciated in her work which made her feel devalued. Q. How does not being appreciated mean you are ‘less than.’ She felt that some acknowledgement would boost her motivation, she agreed that it would only be temporary. The incapability to find a rewarding job made her feel worthless. This complex equivalence is common. If I am incapable I am worthless’ the thought being ‘why can’t I do something about it.’ There was a feeling of paralysis connected to this and some self anger about stuckness. The stuckness was connected to indecisiveness and a tendency to search everywhere. Interestingly the desire to have a connection in the communication seemed to be a compensation for the disconnect she felt within herself. The feeling of disconnect in her was an emptiness which she resisted / can’t accept. She said there was good emptiness (spiritual) and bad emptiness.

Emptiness is dead, blandness is boring. We asked for criteria around boring. No initiative, no creation, no energy, no expression, no intention. Boring is an evaluation, usually a noticing of a lack of stimulus which then feeds the idea I am wasting time.. This is very subjective. Cats lie about and don’t get bored as they are comfortable in their being. The searching was linked to the thought ‘there must be something better’ and if I miss out ‘I haven’t fully lived.’ This is Being / doing conflict. One defines their being through what they do. So they do to have to be. It manifests as restlessness and an inability to be with themselves (restlessness)

The resistance to any feeling locks in the emotion which then informs the being. In this case the emptiness was a subtle block to tuning into the intuitive sense. The recognition is that it is ok to feel this feeling and it does not mean you are dead. On further scrutiny it was realised that she did have some guidance in that she knew what she didn’t want so maybe it was just a matter of not having encountered something she liked. Also rather than look for what you love, find something you like and start doing it as maybe within that you will discover something you love.

You could see how the need for appreciation, intellectual capacity, self worth, stuckness, indecisiveness and connectedness were all looped together.  The not knowing of what she wanted was linked to an inner emptiness (disconnect) which made her feel incapable / indecisive which then triggered the self devaluation and therefore the need for recognition / appreciation was sought.